"Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls"

2 Samuel 11; 12: 1-24

"Don't go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all
But I think you're moving too fast"

I tell you, as the bible and "Relationships" in the bible go, it has been a couple of very exciting and even exhilarating weeks for me. Surely you all know that I had riotous good time with Jonathan and David. I think I've been scratching like a dog with fleas to talk about that untold and conveniently ignored love affair between those two men. As such, I may have gotten a little carried away. But, hey, "Truth crushed to the earth, shall rise again." Okay, moving right along.

Our next "Relationship" encounter is that between David and Bathsheba. And yes, that is the chorus to another song at the beginning of this post, but I warned you early on that I believe the sacred is secular and the secular is sacred! So ya'll g'on need to get your mind around this thang. Now, make no mistake, I do not believe this particular relationship was one of mutual consent. By biblical accounts, we know very little about the historical lives of women in near Eastern culture. What we have been able to glean from scriptural texts and commentaries, however, is that women were controlled by the men of their family. In the texts, they are often times referenced only as, "a certain woman," or either one man's daughter or another man's wife - and without being one or the other, their status, safety and security was precariously vulnerable and subject to abuse and exploitation. But something happens throughout 1 and 2 Samuel that baffles my mind. David puts a whole new spin on "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor," that calls into question whether or not women were safe at all, even by virtue of being one man's daughter or another man's wife (NRSV 20:17). And of course the woman, Bathsheba, has no say in the matter. Let's begin shall we?

Shortly after we are first introduced to David, we see a man who is gifted more than his share from men and women alike. "Everybody loves David!" Jonathan gets naked and abdicates the throne for him - no, I'm sorry, he hands the throne over to him. And, I believe Saul would have done that and much more, if he had found favor in David's eyes as Jonathan obviously did. Yes, that is mere speculation on my part - there is no factual or biblical basis for that statement, just the wanderings of what some might call an "over-active imagination." Okay, alright... Don't go getting your panties in a wad over it. Back to the narrative.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, after paying a rather hefty, and might I add, a nasty and bloody dowry of 200 foreskins (100 more than required) of those uncircumcised Philistines, Saul gives his daughter, Michal to David to marry. Michal, like her brother Jonathan, loved David and she also defied her father to help David escape. After which, David goes about his business warring with anybody and everybody that got in his way. As a consequence of his adventures on the run and successes in battles, he acquires the wives of the defeated, as well as Abigail, the wife of Nabal, who died of a sudden and obvious, massive heart attack after she told him that she had gone behind his back and showed David some kindness he had previously refused to (1 Samuel 25: 2-42). Another wife picked up along the way was Ahinoam. Who pretell is Ahinoam? Hmmm.... Verr-ry in-terr-resting question!

The only other reference or mention of Ahinoam is in 1 Samuel 14:50. Drum roll please.... "And the name of Saul's wife was Ahinoam, the daughter of Ahimaaz." Umph, umph, umph.... So, now David has three wives - Michal (Saul's daughter), Abigail (Nabal's wife) and Ahinoam (Saul's wife). Now if you've being paying attention - and I know you have - then you know by virtue of them being David's wives, he now has two more reasons that validate his claim to the the throne. Uh oh, but wait a minute now! Sumptn' just happened... If Ahinoam is Saul's wife and Michal is Saul's daughter, hasn't somebody [David] uncovered somebodies [Ahinoam's and Michal's] "nakedness?" The evidence presented states, "Now the sons of Saul were Jonathan, and Ishvi, and Malchishua: and the names of his two daughters were these; the name of the first-born was Merab, and the name of the younger Michal: And the name of Saul's wife was Ahinoam" (1 Samuel 14: 49, 50a). In honor of my attorney friends out there, may it please the court, "You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter... For [she is] her near kinswoman: it is wickedness " (Leviticus 18: 17a and c). I suppose David gets a pass on that - or does he? Put a pin there. What he does do is continue collecting "more concubines and wives" (2 Samuel 5:13).

Clearly David cares nothing about "uncovering the nakedness" of anybody. Whatever king David wants, king David gets. So, when he observes Bathsheba taking a bath from his rooftop and "inquires" about her, I can't for the life of me understand why. After all, when he is told that; 1) "'This is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam [son of Ahithophel, one of David's advisers] and, 2) the wife of Uriah the Hittite,'" he doesn't seem to care one damn bit. Instead, he sends messengers to "fetch her, and she came to him, and he lay with her... Then she returned to her house. The woman conceived; and she sent and told David, 'I am with child'" (2 Samuel 11: 2-5). Once again, what happened to, "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife?" Furthermore, what right did she have to decline his summons? None. What right did she have to deny, or say 'no?' None. Her body was not her own. But, if that wasn't enough, he takes it a step further! After learning Bathsheba is with child, David tries to cover up the misdeed by sending for her husband - Uriah, who was off at war, fighting valiantly for his king (little k) - so that he may, "Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet" (v. 8a). ;) ;) Funny thing, Uriah doesn't go to his house, instead, he sleeps at the door of the king's house. Upon hearing this David, tries a different approach by getting Uriah drunk the following night. But again, Uriah, a loyal soldier til the end, sleeps outside with the rest of David's soldiers, servants, and the Ark of the Covenant. What happens next could only be rivaled by a Shakespearean tragedy. David sends a letter by Uriah to be delivered to Joab, the head of the army, instructing him to, "Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, so that he may be struck down and die" (vv. 8-15). What! Say it ain't so! Well, it is. And so it was, Uriah was killed, Bathsheba mourned her husband, David takes her to be his wife and with his misdeeds, adultery and murder all neatly covered up - they lived happily ever after. Or did they? Where's that pin? Take it out, because God is pissed. Too strong? I'm sorry, S/HE is "displeased."

"Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel: I anointed you king over Israel, and I rescued you from the hand of Saul; I gave you your master's house, and your master's wives into your bosom, and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added as much more... You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife... Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house... Thus says the LORD; I will raise up trouble against you from within your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes, and give them to your neighbor and he shall lie with your wives before this very sun. For you did it secretly; but I will do this thing before all of Israel and before the sun" (12: 7b-12).

The Word of God, for the people of God - Thanks be to God. ;-)

"Don't go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all
But I think you're moving too fast"
© Dorinda G. Henry, 2010

THEOLOGIA HABITUS EST!