On The Other Side of Midnight: December 2011

"O little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
The silent stars go by
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting Light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight..."

Once again, I have to beg your pardon for my delay. If you've been following, I'm sure you understand how this Holiday Season might be a difficult one for me. 2011 is one of those years that my humanity could have done without, but one that I'm sure will render some life-altering lessons in the months and years to come. Nevertheless, rather than a joyful time, it is a time of hardship, heartache and pain. I've thought long and hard about this post and decided rather than do nothing and let a good post last until the new year, that I would be true to mine own self and transparent to others.

As I sit here in the dark - awakened yet again at or around the time of my mother's death on August 8, 2011, just 21 days before my birthday with tears staining my face - I find myself searching to find that place in space and time where happiness resides and laughter abounds. I am searching for hope through disillusionment, joy through pain, light in the midst of darkness and laughter through unceasing tears. In that place, that quiet place where there is nothing but the beating of my heart, now working harder to remind me that I am still alive with much more to do, I reached back into my yesteryears for those comfort songs of Christmas.

I remember them fondly. I remember being a child in the Christmas play, singing Silent Night and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer at the top of my little lungs. I remember being made to put up the largest and most complicated Christmas tree in the whole wide world, and then serenading it with the song O Christmas Tree. I remember the lights and sounds of a family of women jockeying for their place in the kitchen to cook the dish that only they could cook. I remember knowing that soon and very soon, I would wake up to a poor child's miracle of toys, clothes, shoes, bicycles, and my mother sitting in the chair smoking a cigarette and shaking her knee as she watched my delight when I opened that one gift I didn't expect to get. But more than that, I remember the heavenly sound of my mother's sultry voice singing The Christmas Song by the irreplaceable Nat King Cole. With that in mind, rather than get into the scriptures, which I'm sure you'll read and hear plenty of, I've decided to gift to you my little bit of my happiness and fond memories of songs sang and loved by my mother. There'll be a new song every day until the New Year.

So sit back, listen and enjoy them fully, knowing that "all hopes and fears" are carried through tears, and that they brought some light into a dark place, a smile to a sad face and "wondering love" sent from above that warmed and mended a broken heart. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas. Peace!

"For Christ is born of Mary

And gathered all above

While mortals sleep, the angels keep

Their watch of wondering love

O morning stars together

Proclaim the holy birth

And praises sing to God the King

And Peace to men on earth..."

(Rector Phillips Brooks, 1868)