A LOVE LETTER
I had to go through hell to get to Heaven.
The journey was bitterly long and full of entangled snares that prolonged the pain. Heaven would have nothing short of a testimony that warranted the sensation that the journey there was of epic proportion and nothing short of divine revelation and order. The heavenly court – made up of Gods of every known faith and others yet revealed, saints and sinners, Orishas, ancestors, children yet born, children who snuck away too soon and who were placed on heavenly time-out for their offense, men, women and the third (next) sex, perfectly embodying the union of both masculine and feminine – insisted this love story, of which they all played a part, would be told again and again and again. In fact, it probably should be placed in a time capsule for future generations to know for certain that even in a time of absolute war, confusion, induced fear, doubt and uncertainty, there in the midst of it all, love found and fell into itself – when I laid eyes on her.
I had to go through hell to get to Heaven.
The journey was bitterly long and full of entangled snares that prolonged the pain. Heaven would have nothing short of a testimony that warranted the sensation that the journey there was of epic proportion and nothing short of divine revelation and order. The heavenly court – made up of Gods of every known faith and others yet revealed, saints and sinners, Orishas, ancestors, children yet born, children who snuck away too soon and who were placed on heavenly time-out for their offense, men, women and the third (next) sex, perfectly embodying the union of both masculine and feminine – insisted this love story, of which they all played a part, would be told again and again and again. In fact, it probably should be placed in a time capsule for future generations to know for certain that even in a time of absolute war, confusion, induced fear, doubt and uncertainty, there in the midst of it all, love found and fell into itself – when I laid eyes on her.
Words are useless when trying to find the right ones to describe the moment between two seconds, when air catches itself, when the speed of light can be seen in slow motion and colors come alive to the point that they leak. Such was the case when I laid eyes on her. I knew her instinctively. The clouds paused and whispered her name. Trees shook at the excitement of her passing by, the sidewalk that bore her stride, eased its texture, and every soul within range of the moment instantaneously sang out in a harmonious chorus of praise – when I laid eyes on her. I knew her for a lifetime. In a moment that went on forever, I felt the smoothness of her skin, the crinkle of her hair, the sorrow of her present, anguish of her past and her longing for more, for bigger, for better for forever – when I laid eyes on her.
Time reversed itself to a place where we knew one another. We floated weightless in the abyss of Divine Love – ethereal and endless. We merged and meshed into one free-floating cell until the heavenly court summoned me. It was my turn to enter into that place that all souls begrudgingly go to for a period of time to get a better understanding of the beauty and grace we arrogantly sat in and even began to resent because of its effortless peace and harmony. Some souls, too eager at their chance, simply split off from their soul’s mate and run head long into the dank, dark, stale, stank, murky and musty tunnel with little to no regard for the soul(s) they left behind. They run. Some prematurely enter while others rethink things and turn around. Still a few – unprepared and too stubborn and full of themselves to take a moment to reflect – enter haphazardly. I, on the other hand conferred with my twin and made an agreement to do what? I don’t remember. But between my Love and me, we vowed to find one another. Because the realm I was entering into was so unfamiliar, we knew not what to expect. We envisioned a place where we would be the same as we were in the abyss of Divine Love, and therefore it would not be difficult to find one another. We were wrong. We had some lessons to learn.
I come from a clan of warriors. We are fighters – killers even. Our soul’s mission is to fight. It is to kill. Our very nature requires, even demands it. We are the protectors of right, of justice, of balance, of equality. My Love on the other hand comes from a clan of lovers, of peacemakers and keepers. Her soul’s mission is to bring beauty and sweetness into every situation, circumstance and life. They are the vibrancy of yellow, the lush of green, the coolness of lavender and the still of blue. My Love anchors, settles and calms me. Love moves me from a place of murderous rage, contempt and passion to a place of peace, of second thoughts and second chances, of mature fighting and the grace that comes with losing – especially when winning would have been so easy.
My Love’s energy and our souls’ familiarity with one another pulled my attention toward her. She glided by as if to be walking on air. As dark as 15 minutes past midnight, hair locked and pulled back away from her face, dressed in the color of the Orisha Oshun, my heart slowed its beat – a protective measure so as not to burst and destroy this finite earthly vessel I now dwell in. Strangely enough, I could not see her earthly face. I could only feel a soul connection, spirit and kindred energy flowing between us – when I laid eyes on her.
She was not alone.
She walked with the poise and presence of a ballroom dancer slightly behind a – “an-other.” I watched with anxious nerves, anticipation, fear, jealousy and bitterness upon witnessing her obvious awareness and care of and for the – “an-other.” I wondered, was I wrong? Was this not my soul’s mate? Yes, I knew her instinctively. To test us – the heavenly court – would breathe a fragrance-laced mist of our soul’s mate on and inside of us that was only recognizable to the soul from which the fragrance came. As she passed by the shaking trees, they did their part by capturing the fragrance in their leaves and wafted it into the air. I caught it. I knew it – I knew her wet. She smelled of me. How the heavenly court would work out our “chance” meeting, I knew not the time, the place nor the hour. All I knew is that it would happen.
Days, weeks, even months went by.
The day before I laid eyes on her, the heavenly court dispatched a connector soul my way. The connector had taken the form of the male species – a species I casually and platonically delight in keeping company with from time to time. Connector souls are those souls that connect other souls together. They are the ones, whom for the most part, lead single, solitary lives, but who are always instrumental in bringing other souls together. They do their part and some remain within the circle, while others drift away or are relegated to and/or are content with a place on the fringe. He knew her. And keeping in line with his soul’s purpose and intent, he brought her to me – literally.
It was a breezy autumn night. I was paying penance at a system with a component called work when he and another soul called and demanded my presence at an eatery. Reluctant, I arrived to find her sitting at the table. From my internal ear I heard Etta James sing, “At last, my Love has come along.” After a couple of earthly embraces, we were introduced. She turned – looked up at me and rose to greet me. The heavenly court had chosen a wonderfully beautiful and arresting vessel for her journey. It was almost too much. I diverted my eyes from the glory of her and Home, as I remembered both it and she at the same time. My brain had to remind my back and my knees of their purpose. Saliva filled my mouth, my throat got smaller and my eyes filled with a watery substance they call tears.
She touched me – embraced and held me. I inhaled her and smelled me – she took me in and smelled herself – both of us smelling Heaven. In her arms I became weightless again. I felt our souls re-membering one to the other. Though encumbered by the awkwardness of the forms we had taken on, we began to merge and mesh back into one free-floating cell. We spoke quietly – almost secretively about our individual soul’s journey here. Recalling the day I laid eyes on her and the “an-other,” I inquired. She was presently occupied with and by an “an-other.” I thought nothing of it – it was simply an in the meantime condition and nothing for me to be concerned with. I was wrong. I had some lessons to learn.
Again, days, weeks, even months passed. In the meantime, I too waited for the arrival of her “an-other.” At the same time, I kept a distant eye and an intentional ear on her status. The heavenly court sent directives that permeated the earth’s atmosphere moving the connector soul to advance yet again. Each encounter drew us closer and deeper. We were bound one to the other, and while the unlimited finite condition of our present location created annoying challenges, we would be joined again as one in this realm as well. It is what the heavenly court expects and wants – for us to get to a clear understanding of what Heaven really is – not necessarily a location or destination, rather a journey and a state of being.
More agonizing days, weeks, even months passed.
When, finally, I laid my earthly vessel upon her earthly vessel, the moon stood watch and gave its light, time forgot itself and the ancestors rose in praise and worship. All material objects within range yielded their substance and once again we became a single, free-floating cell suspended by intense heat in the abyss of Divine Love. We glided and swayed, ebbed and flowed, black to black, black on black, black in black, black as black – just black. Salty discharge seeped from the pores of our earthly vessels blurring the lines between she and me until we became one and us was all that was left. Us was brand new! Our souls rocked in the bosom of Abraham, fixed by the other until – we – reached – that – place – called – Heaven! Amen, and Ashe,’ Ashe,’ Ashe’O...
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Peace
THEOLOGIA HABITUS EST!
